2 weeks in!!

 first let me start by saying....the last two weeks have been testing, stressful, emotional and plain hard! but also rewarding, strengthening and i wouldn't go as far as saying fun but enjoyable. :)

do you ever just get really overwhelmed when you realize how much you have to do?

I do! 

overwhelming is an understatement! 

in an effort to change myself for the better i was suddenly faced with the terrifying truth! 

i am.... yep im going to say it.....

OBESE!  and UNHEALTHY! 

after 25 years of abusing my body this was going to be harder than i had ever imagined! first thing first i had to give up the smokes!

I picked up my first cigarette when i was 13! 

 i remember thinking how cool my friends and i were! such rebels sitting out the back of the local fish and chip shop on a milk crate sharing one between 3 of us which we had probably stolen from our parents!

back then it never crossed my mind that this sneaky ciggy would turn into a not only very expensive but also very harmful habit!

it only took me 12 years, and a reality check when puffing my way up the hill with all my silver coins scraped together to realize it as time to stop. 

so with the support of my beautiful boyfriend we both went off to the doctors and got onto Champix 

(the pills for quitting)!

 and you will be pleased to know that we have both managed to kick the cigarettes in a little over 2 weeks, only having one here and there now! ( but when i do i remember why i hadn't had one all day cause they taste and smell disgusting). so to anyone like me who deep down knows that you should quit, but tells yourself things like i did such as " if i really want to i could give up" or "its not like its illegal" and my personal favourite "i have to die of something"!

just give it up! trust me you will feel 100000000% better for it.

im not going to lie there were times i got homicidal but i made it through and i didn't kill anyone!

now with all my cigarette savings I've decided to enlist the help of some professionals!

I joined the GYM!!!!! 

i always used to make the excuse that it was too expensive!it costs less than one packet of 25 cigarettes a week! 

( yes i was shocked too)

 im not going to lie the promise of free breakfast and fruit all day did sweeten the deal also :)

 even if i just went to eat the fruit and veg it would be worth it!!

all jokes aside though,

 this is really testing me i have to keep reminding myself why im doing this and one day sooner rather than later i will look in the mirror and not only see the difference but feel it too!

and i am pleased to say that hard work does pay off!

last Tuesday i weighed

 146kg

 and today i weigh

 141.2kg 

i have lost 

4.8kg!

there is still such a long way to go, and to be honest i should be happier with this result but i know i could have worked so much harder!

 i need to get my head back in the game!

and what better way to do that than a game of footy!

 we walked the 2.3km from our house to the park!

and then the fun really began!

 

and even after getting all sweaty he still loves me!

thanks babe!

 

 

   

 

 

  

And so it begins......

And so it begins.........

I have sat here for hours trying to decide how to write this, and the conclusion I came to was just write it! So here goes.

 

My whole life I have battled my mind and my body. never looking or acting the way society said i should. This was not by choice it just seemed that i was destined to be the "chubby" girl at school that was loud and out there a bit "crazy", an oh so often making wrong decisions and constantly being embattled with my emotions all in an effort to over compensate for not being "perfect" and in desperation to be liked. To be accepted. 

so a while back now i decided that 2013 was the year to change it all. i would be turning 25 and as i was officially going to be an adult i had to start acting like one. start making the right decisions for me. decisions and choices that will affect my life from here on in.

so i made a list.

 a list of things most important to me. my priorities. my goals.

and then another list of steps of how i was going to achieve them.

the list surprised me as the words went on to the paper. what i used to think was so important was no longer relevant. my priorities had changed. and my goals were so mature and realistic.

had i really changed that much?

only 2 years ago i was resigning myself to the fact that i would be a psych ward lifer, destined to be alone. never to work again. living with my parents in some sort of sad existence. 

 

and then i realized that all of that was a choice. it was my choice. i could let it happen or i could change it. i had so much fear, fear of failing not just myself but everyone around me. so many times in my life i had said i was going to change things and then i would never follow through.

 

i had so many times before made all these grandiose plans to "change". but i always let the "its too hard" voice in my head take over. and i would tell myself things like "you've always been fat" so whats the point in trying to change it now? "your diagnosed crazy" so just take all the pills and live a zombie like existence.

 

then i looked at my list.

 there it was in black and white.

1. Be Happier.

 it seemed so simple but had eluded me for so long.
 but how? how was i going to "be happier"? i really had nothing to be happy about. i didnt have a job, i lived at home with my parents, no prospects of love in the near or distant future, and a good day consisted of waking up.

so i made a choice. a choice to change. and the first thing to change was how i valued myself. for the first time in my life i was going to make a commitment to myself. because as they say "no one can love you if you dont love yourself".

i had to change the way i thought before i could ever change the way i looked and felt.
 but this time i would tell nobody. mostly because i didn't want them to see me fail yet again but also because i wanted to prove to myself that i didn't need an audience to perform for that i was the most important person to impress.

 so it began.
and thanks to a very good friend of mine after 3 years of doing sweet FA i went back to work. and let me tell you there were many times i wanted to through in the towel. times when i thought i had made a huge mistake but i pushed through it. i cried, a lot. but i did it.
 i proved to myself that i was still able to contribute to the world.

and as the rolling stone gathers moss,
i started seeing things differently. appreciating the little things so much more.
life was good.

and then the strangest thing happened. i met someone. someone who wanted to be with me and didnt try to change me despite my many imperfections. he has shown me that "unconditional love" people talk about. he brings out the best in me.

so i want to be the best me i can be.
 inside and out.
 mind and body.

this is day one.
who knows how many it will take.
i don't know and i don't care.
because this is my commitment to myself. my commitment to being not only the "happier" Ali but the "healthier" Ali too.


first on the list to go is the cigarettes.
 so as of Monday 5th August i will endeavor to be a non smoker.
i will be a non smoker.

i have many lifestyle changes to make.
 and i will make them.
 i will make the change.

and so it begins.